I used to be a serial dater...

but now things have changed

Your thoughts (73)

When I was younger I always used to jump from one relationship to the next. I went through so much, but in the end, I learnt a lot about taking care of and getting to know, yourself first.

The first person I dated was my boyfriend. We dated for many years and we were happy. Things were so perfect and no one could tear us apart.

Then suddenly, his friends began to not trust me because I had other guy friends. He started to believe them about me not being trustworthy. He started to have trust issues and that’s when our relationship started suffering.

We used to fight each and every week and it started to affect my school work. He would get angry about the smallest things, like me not having enough money to buy him a birthday gift or me spending time with my guy friends. When he dumped me I moved on very quickly because I didn’t want to feel lonely. The guy I dated after that also had a lot of insecurities and he was often very abusive towards me.

After that, I didn’t date but I had many flings. When I started being in a serious relationship again I was with a guy who promised me many dreams. He even told me he would marry me and buy me a house. I was committed to him, but he ended up cheating on me with my friend.

After not dating for a while, I realised that I have not given myself much time to know myself and grow as a person. After a year of not dating, I’ve learnt how good I am at writing and maths and I even became top of the class in my grade. When you start focusing on yourself, you see that you have so much power and you learn to love yourself. You don’t have to be in a relationship to be happy and secure.

I want girls to know that no matter how hurt you are and how lonely you may be, you don't have to date to fill that empty space. Wait for the right person to come your way, and focus on yourself and your well-being. Tips on how you can work on yourself from your big sisters at Springster:

  1. Dating doesn’t have to be your number one priority. Take time to know yourself by spending more time with yourself. Try to find activities you enjoy doing on your own, like writing, meditating, watching movies or exercising.

  2. Make time for your family and friends. When you have time, try to bond and talk to your friends and your relatives. They can be the best source of support when you need it!

  3. Focus on school and think about things that will help you in your career and your future. Giving time to your studies gives you a chance to think about what your passions are.

Do you have a similar story? Let us know in the comment section below!

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Your thoughts

Patsimo

Bewu sahlaleleni slims😒🥱

June 25, 2022, 1:13 p.m.

Wow

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

What do u do if u really love a guy but then he sometimes gets a bit abusive...But he is really loving...he buys me gifts..we spend time almost everyday ...nd like my mom knows him...buh he sometimes slaps me nd I dont want to tell my brother coz my brother might too dramatic...what should I do im confused

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

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Girl the fact that he doesn't want you to tell your brother that he's abusive is because he knows that he's doing something which he shouldn't be doing...that man has no right to hit you no matter what...And if you sit back and do nothing it will be worse someday he won't jct slap but he might do something worse than that....if he really loves you he'll find another way of dealing with his anger towards you,and I suggest you stand up and tell dat if he doesn't change his ways than he might lose you if he really loves you he'll change

ĜĂĹ ĨҒ Ă PÊŘŜÕŇ ŜĹĂPŜ Ũ ÕŇĈÊ ĨŤ MÊĂŇŜ ĨŤ ĨŜ ҒÕŘÊVÊŘ ĂŇĎ ŇÕ MĂŤŤÊŘ ĤÕŴ MĂĎ ÕŘ ĂŇĜŘŶ ĤÊ ĨŜ ĤÊ ĤĂŜ ŇÕ ŘĨĜĤŤ ŤÕ ŜĹĂP ŶÕŨ ĨҒ ĤÊ ĨŇĎÊÊĎ ĹÕVÊ ŶÕŨ ĤÊ ŴÕŇ'Ť ĎÕ ŜŨĈĤ ŤĤĨŇĜ >>ŶÊŜ I ҚŇÕŴ Ũ MĂŶ ҒÊÊĹ ŤĤÊ ĹÕVÊ ĂŇĎ ÊŤĈ бŨĤ VĨÕĹÊŇĈÊ ĨŜ ŇÕŤ ŤĤÊ ŴĂŶ ŤÕ ŜÕĹVÊ ŤĤĨŇĜŜ ŇÊVÊŘ ŶÕŨ ŴÕŨĹĎ ŘĂŤĤÊŘ ŤĂĹҚ ŤĤĨŇĜŜ ÕŨŤ

Leave him because he clearly doesn't know how to treat a woman

hy jst b lyk mi

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

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Patsimo

Ujani wea

Focus on school and think about things that will help you

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

I used to do the very same thing but then i told my self that enough i have to change for my future

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

A good relationship must not include a third person even though we know that a woman must know her man family or friends that doesn't seem to let those people who are closed to your love one to know your problems in your love, so next time when you are in a relationship in order to make it balanced please don't include other people to tell you what step you need to do, because she/he wasn't there the first time you fall in love even me I wrote this so I don't mean that you shall take my words as it is, learn to found yourself what is good for your needs and use it as a weapon that won't kill her

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

I was also in the same situation. I was in a relationship last year in school the guy was a bit older than me. My best friend actually put us together so we really loved each other he never judged me and we look very cute together.... Oneday he told me that he wants space and I was very heart broken then a few mothers later he dumped me on my birthday. I moved on a month later to a younger guy we dated for a year and when ever we had to hang out he always thought about having sex with me I never alowrd him to but oneday I just let it go .. I felt pressurised by him and while we were having sex he hurt me so much I cried . from that day we never talked he just kept calling but I never answered.. He sent me a message tellibg me how much he loves me. So we didn't break up. I moved on to another guy who finished school in 2016 he is really cute and he is very very play full I love him so much and he is very humble. .we are still dating and having sex. Oneday we had sex and when I went home I was in so much pain then I got into a bath and I noticed that it's almost the end of the month and I didn't yet get my period. I told him and he was shocked A few days later I went to visit him and we had sex again so this time I was pretty sure that I'll be pregnant, I told him that I'm not feeling fine that I didn't get my period and my boobs are getting tender. He took me to the clinic the next day for family planning 🙈 I was so shy and afraid that I'd get judged by the nurses ....but everything was actually fine . What I like about my relationship now is that we are free with each other and we are both Shy and quiet..but we are very touchy and we just love doing our own thing. We give each other space to catch up to other activities and be with friends and families. The other thing I really love about him is that he is doing law in UNISA and its also the course I want to do when I finish high school.

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

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Never sleep with someone that would live you in heartbroken

True

Cute💞💞😊

Also I had sex in 2017 I was a virgin at that the was this boy we were attending the same schoolong but difficult grades and we were so cute together he even asked my parents to take me out to Suncity it was 6 October 2017 and my parents agreed . After that we had so much fun together a week later it was after school he said can we take a walk and I said yes and we went to inside the bushes and he started kissing and the was no one passing through i kissed him back and I asked hime what is he doing and he said we having sex and I refused to have sex with him and he said don't worry it won't hurt and I said no . He inserted his penis into my virgina the pain was unbearable he's Dick was very long I cried after that it was the next day we both was at school in the morning and he asked me if I was okay and I said yes he even bought me chocolate and biscuits and a month later he broke up with me .

::I ĜÕŤŤĂ бҒ ŜÕ ĤÊ ĂŜҚÊĎ MÊ ŴĤÊŤĤÊŘ ĤÊ ĈĂŇ ҒĨŇĜÊŘ MÊ ÕŘ ŇÕŤ ĈŽ ĤÊ ŴĂŇŤÊĎ ŤÕ ĤĂVÊ ŜÊҲ ŴĨŤĤ MÊ ĂŇĎ I ŜĂĨĎ ŇÕ ŜÕ ĤÊ ACCEPTED...ŜÕ ÕŇÊ ĎĂŶ I ĹÊŤ ĤĨM ҒĨŇĜÊŘ MÊ бŨŤ ÊVÊŘ ŜĨŇĈÊ ŤĤÊŇ I ĎÕŇ'Ť ҒÊÊĹ ĤĨM ŇÕŘ ĹÕVÊ ĤĨM ĹĨҚÊ бÊҒÕŘÊ ĨĎҚ ŴĂŜŜŨP ĂŇĎ ĤÊ ĂĹŴĂŶŜ ĂĈĈŨŜÊŜ ÕҒ ĈĤÊĂŤĨŇĜ ĂŇĎ ŜŤŨҒҒ >PĹŽ ĂĎVĨĈÊ MÊ ŴĤĂŤ ŜĤÕŨĹĎ I do

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

I completely agree with you on those 3 steps i also was in alot of relationships one after another and it didn't have a good impact on my life not only because people started to gossip but because i wasn't moving forward in my studies but more importantly i didnt have time for my family nor me😓✔

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

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Hello Tersha We hope that now you are in a good space. Try following those steps and let us know if they worked for you. We hope this helps and always know that you are worth it.

I learnt that if you don't wanna do anything say #NO and make yourself loud and clear for the person to know u mean it and don't say it with a smile ##Be Series about it

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

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How will it get understand (clear) to the person when you shouting! The nigga will be deaf .

Thats true and very inspiring

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

True story

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

SRS s to be able

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

I have 2boyfriends and I love them both (that is wat I tell myself) do I leave them both or should I choose one

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

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Choose one

Gurl stop hoeing

Hey sexy wht is your namr

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

I had a boy as a friend then he wanted me to date him then I Said no the got angry

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

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Why did " the" get angry ????ugenaphi

Hi am 13years n I look like am 16 but that helps me sometimes coz on holiday me n my big sis we go 2 visit her sis she lives alone and she's an out going person so one day we went to party I sow another guy and u had feelings 4 him but then I told and he said he had the same then we talked like we knew each other 4 yers then he asked me how old iam but I said age is not complicated then he asked me 2 guess how old he is then he said he iz 22 years and the strange thing is that I fell in luv with and old guy .l found out that he has a galfnd and that gal is old on him .so springsters give an advice wat can be my next move

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

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I have also been through the same thing and the worst part is I really loved him I didn't care hw old is he

Love

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

Gal his friends messed u To think that you a serial dater🤭🤭🤭

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

Gal his friends messed u To think that you a serial dater🤭🤭🤭

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

Hello

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

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Hello Springster

Hello botha

I'm 24 years old I had a back that we were together for more than 7years and we were deeply in love with each other,we started dating in high school in grade 11 . we were so happy together I never imagined life without him he was my 1st bf he is the one I gave my virginity to after matric.and I also fell pregnant with his son but that didn't stop us he was always here for me and my son until last year 2017 when I had to relocate from kzn to gauteng.My uncle got me a job in the mining industry so I had no choice but to go,we promised each other that distance will never separate us and that we must always keep in touch..we did just that until it was October 2017 where he started ignoring my calls and giving me nasty attitudes and usually didn't have much time with me on the phone as the time I recently left kzn.OK I went to visit kzn on November coz he couldn't visit me in gauteng I was staying with my uncle so when I visited him I found out that he has somebody else now in fact a very much old lady than me the lady was a teacher and she gave him her car and I just couldn't believe what was happening I was soooo hurt so much that I couldn't eat for day I couldn't cry I couldn't do anything he was taken.I returned to gauteng to work I then started hating guys each and every guy that proposed to me I just agreed and made sure I break that guy's heart...I did that with so many guys sometimes I would date 6 guys all at the same time and then call all of them to come and see me so that they all meet up and start fighting over and once they fight I would go straight to them and tell then I never loved them I was just playing them all the best thing is that I was not sleeping with these guys I hurt them emotionally and dump them and I think I have a problem coz now the only guy that I love is happy with someone else and I'm here hurting innocent people I don't know how to stop this this coz even if I have a thing for a guy I just mess up and hurt him...I need prayers

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

Grl I praise u for changing u ways u didn't look down on u self but u focused on changing and overcoming the the dark ways u were doing #power girl

March 20, 2022, 8:55 p.m.

Hy guyz.am hlakzo im 15 years old i have been raped 3 years by now I haven't told.anyone about it coz I was raped.by my father but when timez goes my saw that I wasn't happy so I just liked to her that some unknown man raped she was shocked and tell all my family about it and my father just said to me im prostitute who need some attention and they didn't take me to hospital..so my worried thing is that I have some pain in my vagina I don't understand why?help😪😪

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

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Maybe u should talk to a family member that u certain u can trust and then go to the hospital💞and report ur father try to put ur fears aside u never know he might have done it to other innocent girls too and u speaking out might just help and encourage them😊think about it.

Look babe, you need to speak to sm1 u can trust... I cn advice u that not be a person of ur fem coz they cn turn down on u ad be a laughing stoke... It can be ateacher split this thing out cry if it say cry Coz it going to create the forevr anger, u cnt evn hurt to see man... Teta ngeyinto cc zokhululeka emoyen😚

Hey Dogy, we really appreciate yo coming out to us with your story as we can imagine how hard it must be to do so. No one is ever allowed to touch you in any way and you every right to be feeling upset, angry, sad or confused right now. Please remember that we can always find someone in our community who is willing to help or support us when we are in need. So don't be afraid to speak out to someone like a trusted adult to help you out. This can be anyone from your mom, a relative, a neighbor or a teacher. Of course, it is important to speak out when you are ready and feel safe to do so ad once you do so make sure to be fully honest so that the person who you tell can help you. Sadly, we can't talk to you directly but you can call Childline SA. They will offer you counselling over the phone, in person and online. You don't need to give them your name and can contact them any time of the day or night. They are here to help you! Don't forget you can contact them on their 24/7 Toll Free Helpline: 08 000 55 555 for help. Visit their website: http://www.childlinesa.org.za, Facebook and Twitter page for useful information.

When days are dark friends are few

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

Well last year I has a boyfriend whom I loved and enjoyed being around him I dated him when j was in middle school and I went to high school with him ,he is a year older than myself ,I loved him and both our parents knew about our relationship and we used to spend time properly and we were dating for about one year already and a few months after that year I found out I was his side chick .he dated the other girl whom I asked if he knew him but he denied untill one day I saw them together ,firstly I didn't take it seriously as I thought it was his friend because I too have a most friendships with guys ,but then when I hot home he confessed himself telling me the truth ,I was broken and sad ,I lost eppetite for a week ,I asked him to to break up with me but he refused then I asked him to break with his main check he also refused saying he is not intending to break each one of us heart ,so I then give him another chance to prove himself but he failed so I broke up with him for sure but a few weeks later he came to me again asking me to date him awhile he is also dating the other girl ,I was angry and I thought to myself that I'll give him what he want and get my revenge .well then it seems I wasn't only the one angry at him even Hus main chick was angry at him ,so she sent me a friend request on Facebook and we had a girl talk and shared what he always say to each of us ,we were both angry and seek revange We became friends and sisters and supported each other and told each other what to do but I never told that girl I was back again with him,he never knew we friend until the day he decided to meet us on the same day but at different times ,he went to see her first and I asked him to meet up with me and he lied to me ,but then his girlfriend wrote a status saying she is missing him ,after he met up with her ,he came to me too like I asked ,so after we both took our ways I got into WhatsApp and saw that I asked the girl who she missies then she told me its him ,I got angry I asked him if she went to see her he said yes but to break up with her but unfortunately she refused ,I took a screen shot and sent it to his other gf and and I broke up with him ,the very same moment her other gf also broke up with him ,we were also auguring but we came to our senses that we are girls and we'll both move on and support each other like sisters ,and we did the same and had new relationships and shared each and everything ,our bond became very strong until today we are friends we worked harder to become friends and prove him wrong as he thought we'd battle for him

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

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Ohh wow. Something special came out of you dating that guy. It's truly a fairytale of a story. I fail to understand why guys can't commit to one lady. But congratulations on your profound friendship sister

I aм a 17 year old gιrl тнιѕ year I'll вe doιng мy Maтrιc вυт I won'т тнιnĸ I woυld copy wιтн ιт coz I'м ιn love wιтн мy вoyғrιend I ғeel нιм and I ĸnow тнaт coυld dιѕтυrв мe I need нelp pleaѕe

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

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Just make sure u make time for your books ; dont allow feelings to control you

hey gal I know u luv this guy but maybe this relationship is just going to come and go, you may look good together like a match made in heaven but remember a relationship is not a guaranteed thing ...It will be very wise to focus on ur school work coz that's were ur future lies dear..dont just get carried away dear ur studies mean a lot than that relationship just restructure your priorities and put ur studies first.. good luck

I aм a 17 year old gιrl тнιѕ year I'll вe doιng мy Maтrιc вυт I won'т тнιnĸ I woυld copy wιтн ιт coz I'м ιn love wιтн мy вoyғrιend I ғeel нιм and I ĸnow тнaт coυld dιѕтυrв мe I need нelp pleaѕe

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

Precisely👍 boys will always be available,dat y god created so many .wait for the right moment.in the meantime focus on yourself an studies😆💕

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

I am Nomonde I am in grade 9 I always beg for my boyfriend even he is the one messes up so my best friend showed me something that makes my heart broken and I love that guy too much he has taken my heart and as now I am speaking I don't know what to do should I confront him I don't know coz he will fight with me but now I see that my love for him doesn't matter to him but I need some advice please please please

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

I think you should ignore him and live your life if a boy hurts you then it’s just better to ignore him and just live your life ,if you go back and confront him he might just say a whole bunch of lies to get you back, move on there are plenty of boys don’t dwell on him even if he was the only guy that liked you it doesn’t matter MOVE ON gal ✊🏼💪🏼!!!

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

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I commented at the wrong place, sorry guys I’m in a hurry

I commented at the wrong place, sorry guys I’m in a hurry

Some boy's are good but there friends make's them bad

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

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Yeas you absolutely on point

I've been dating this guy for more than 3 years now. We live in the same neighborhood but I'm in university so you could say our relationship is long distance most of the time. So last month I discovered that he has been flirting with multiple girls on social media. It's something that had been happening for the entire time that we have been dating. Reading the texts he sent to those other ladies was so hurtful, I remember there were days when I cried so hard. At first I didn't know how to go about with this matter, but I asked him about it and he apologized, told me it was a stupid thing to do and that he'll try by all means to regain my trust. He has been such a great boyfriend this entire time, so loving, he checked up on me every single day, caring, supportive, and he's like a best friend to me. A few days ago I told him that we should end things because I doubt that I'll ever trust him ever again. And I feel like I gave him all of me whilst this whole time he was entertaining some other girls. And besides, who knows what he does with those girls when I'm not around. Anyways, so he asked me to visit him, when I got there feelings took over and we slept together. Now he thinks we are all cool and back together. But I still don't think we should be together. Advice please.

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

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I think you should cut all ties with him so that he can takes you serious .

Take time to think clearly about that situation.before you could make decisions that you I'll regret behind the clock

Me 2 my ex-boyfriend was believing his friends over me sometimes I thought he was dating them not me I have many guy friends we even call each other names, like baby,lovey,sweety and that's nothing like him hugging a girl in front of me so who who is wrong but just like my last comment fuck y'all 😝😏

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

am feeling so lonely i ended up joining here

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

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Hey Suziebabie, we're glad you came here because Springster will always have your back. If you ever want to talk to us, feel free and we'll be here for you.

Ladies lets stop beibg victims and be happy move away from toxic relationships.😔😔😔😔

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

I swear u. U miss someone

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

Good. Self-love and introspection are the best!

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

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Hi BbyZee We agree with you,loving yourself is important.

I can relate to the story but mine is a bit extreme because i ended up having two kids at the age of 18 different father i felt sooo dirty and unworthy can you imagine that

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

Kinda what is happening with me I went from not dating to 3 exes and 3 boyfriends in one year I didn't have feelings for them but I did for the first one but he broke my heart so I didn't even wanna have feelings I kept on cheating and there's my one boyfriend he loves me so much but I can't stop cheating

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

Latest Reply

Hey Springster! Sorry for the delay, I had some technical issues! Thank you for your question. I am pleased to tell you that you can now chat to Big Sis, a smart robot who will help you make smart choices when it comes to sex and relationships. She's ready to answer all your burning questions. Click on this link to get started: https://bit.ly/2TR8r2H

"I dated another guy who's name is simpiwe well he also said that he was going to be a great person in my life he promised me heaven and earth he dated my mom,sister and my best friend"... This story was told by my bff who did not have a chance to speak out but I had a profiles on springster so I quoted it for her...✋✋🗣️(let us have a chance to speak out our best friend think that ma u thulile a ngeke o mu qelele I ndaba zakhe (when u a quiet u won't tell her where she must back off or back in)or u won't do nothing about it ... Do u also agree with me if not or u do let me know by commenting your comment means a lot to me

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

Hi spring sters ahm am in a 1yr relationship with my boyfriend and yep things were so perfect, so we had this 1 major conflict and well I met someone else during that time,that person made me happy to the extant I just forgot about my boyfriend, so weeks later my boyfriend suggested that we fix things and I didn't agree,he was so hurt and cried, like I was surprised because this was the first time a male cried for me,I agreed to fix things but then the other guy didn't also want to let go of me that's when the cheating started ,later on my boyfriend discovered and well he didn't leave me he said I was confused,so I broke things off with the other guy because of the guilt I had so this other guy texted me and we talked it went to the extant were we talked about our relationship and I feel like I am with my boyfriend because if feeling sorry for him,at the other side I can't let go of him,am so confused pls advice me to either choose the guy or my boyfriend

March 20, 2022, 8:54 p.m.

Latest Reply

Hey Springster! Sorry for the delay, I had some technical issues! Thank you for your question. I am pleased to tell you that you can now chat to Big Sis, a smart robot who will help you make smart choices when it comes to sex and relationships. She's ready to answer all your burning questions. Click on this link to get started: https://bit.ly/2TR8r2H