Thoko

Me I get married at the age of 17 by 2009 now I finish ten years in marriage. I have 3 children 2boys and 1girl. Now I'm not happy with this marriage because my husband has a lot of girl friend and he get children to them. Now he doesn't show love to me, sometimes he bit me for nothing and he stop me to finish my study for 5 years after that tell me can I go back to school without support . the money I get on my parents to do everything . Now I finish my course last year he said now when I get a job half of my salary per month will be for him. Please guys helps me may be your tips will make a change in my mind

4 months ago

Recent Replies

Anonymous

Hi Thokozilevaleni, we're really proud of you for expressing yourself and telling your story. It must not be easy trying to support a family while also working on yourself and your career. It is overwhelming trying to maintain a relationship with someone who doesn't treat you with the same care or respect. Ultimately, no one can tell you what decision to make in terms of leaving or staying with your husband. It's important that you take time to think about where you see yourself in the next few years and whether you can see a future where you are happy with your husband. Although no one can tell you what to do, see if you can talk to someone who you are comfortable with and maybe you can get advice. Try to see what your parents, close friends, relatives or any other person that you trust has to say.

3 months, 2 weeks ago
Anonymous

Hey Springster. This is an incredibly tough situation you are in and just know that you have done nothing wrong. If you feel that you are not safe you can always turn to a trusted friend or family member that you can trust. You need to trust your husband and clearly, the trust between you two has been broken. In order for you to move on you need to think of the safety of yourself and your children. Your husband not allowing you to further your studies or him taking half your salary is a form of economic abuse and that is not okay. You need to speak to a counsellor who can help you through this tough space that you are in. FAMSA is an amazing group that can do that. Their website is www.famsawc.org.za and they can help you with counselling and family services as well should you need them.

1 month ago
Taylor

When is the best age to get married ?

4 months, 1 week ago

Recent Replies

Miss_Deigh

There isn't really a standard age of when to get married. When you feel ready for commitment, responsibilities and don't mind growing old with your partner, than that is okay. Reason why elderly people warn us from marrying young is because they want you to first acquire academic qualification/s so you have something solid under your name. If you feel ready, than its okay.

4 months ago
Anonymous

Hey Springster Thank you for reaching out. Miss Deigh is right. There is no "right age" to get married. Most people get married when they know that they are ready. There is no right way of knowing if you are ready to get married. People are different and they share different values. Get to know yourself and what you want out of life first because you are the best person to make a decision about you.

1 month, 3 weeks ago
Anonymous

I'm in a relationship with a person 4 years older than me and we've been dating for quite awhile. The guy has his life on track and everything is going well with his career and he want us to get married next year and I'm not sure if I'm ready or if my parents will allow that. I'm 18 please help

4 months, 1 week ago

Recent Replies

Miss_Deigh

Sit down with your parents and let them know about it. Marriage belongs to God, and He alone carries us through it. I would like to think that you're turning 19 this year, and are probably in college now. If you feel like you're ready for marriage and wouldn't mind marrying now, than go for it. Getting married always lies on whether you feel ready for the commitment. You can get married at 19 and you marriage becomes a success, omunye married at 28 and things go South immediately. Just make sure that you won't derail from your goals.

4 months ago
Miss_Deigh

Sit down with your parents and let them know about it. Marriage belongs to God, and He alone carries us through it. I would like to think that you're turning 19 this year, and are probably in college now. If you feel like you're ready for marriage and wouldn't mind marrying now, than go for it. Getting married always lies on whether you feel ready for the commitment. You can get married at 19 and your marriage becomes a success, omunye married at 28 and things go South immediately. Just make sure that you won't derail from your goals.

4 months ago
Miss_Deigh

Sit down with your parents and let them know about it. Marriage belongs to God, and He alone carries us through it. I would like to think that you're turning 19 this year, and are probably in college now. If you feel like you're ready for marriage and wouldn't mind marrying now, than go for it. Getting married always lies on whether you feel ready for the commitment. You can get married at 19 and your marriage becomes a success, omunye marries at 28 and things go South immediately. Just make sure that you won't derail from your goals.

4 months ago
Anonymous

Hey Springster Thank you for reaching out. You need to give yourself space and time to know yourself and to forge a path for yourself. If that path includes your current partner then great but if that also doesn't include your current partner that is also okay. Take an audit of your life. Make a list of all the goals that you want to achieve. If you feel like you have the freedom to make those decisions with the freedom of knowing that your partner loves you regardless of the decision you make about your life then be brave. Talk to your loved ones about what is grappling your mind. Lean into your support system and remember that this decision is yours and yours alone.

1 month, 3 weeks ago
Memehzondo

Hy sprngster as is it u cnt have a say love but God bless you with this nd he knows why he marred you in to someone who will do u in this way .take to god to open you eyes it not easy to face it as u saying love. May god have you.

4 months, 2 weeks ago
Lucia

Hey I'm married and is been 2years now I have only 1 kid so my husband he doesn't treat me well more especially when he's drunk I'm 22 years if age and he is 30 years I respect him very much BT he doesn't idk why ...he come home drunk and start start accusing me of things u didn't do...and tells me abt his girlfriends how much they love and care abt him sometimes he brings his girlfriends at our house and chill with them ...what should I do?????

4 months, 2 weeks ago

Recent Replies

Lulu

Just leave him he doesn't deserve you sorely if he cared 4 you he wouldn't do the things his doing to you girl pack your bags and go you deserve better

4 months, 1 week ago
Cheryl

Lucia its very touching to hear your story,but my advise is that if you have never talked about this with your husband first try to sit him down and reason with him about this whole issue don't shout or stand on top of the roof just humble yourself and tell him that you don't like the way he is behaving,the way he is treating you remind him of the first time he met you the first days of you and him staying together the good memories which you used to share,make him to to see why you need him most why your child needs his father's love why you need his love,time and bond as his wife and my gal use the prayer as your weapon because remember the bible says nothing is impossible in God's eyes if you believe God for a miracle for a change you will be amazed bcz God is always making a way where they seemed to be no way if you do all of this and there is no change then its up to you to make the decision either you stay or leave but remember even if you loose every thing and you have God life goes on dear you didn't loose your self l love you l know the pain of having such kind of man and you have a baby on top of that take care of your self you still have brighter future ahead of you ask me lm living testimony l was once in your condition l did everything it didn't work so l just manned up and took my son and left but now lm living happily with my 2year old son such is life just be strong Luv and make the right decision concerning your life

4 months ago
Anonymous

Hey Lucia Thank you for reaching out. This is a tough situation and you don't deserve this kind of treatment. You, Lucia, are not being respected in this relationship and that should be the foundation of every relationship. Your husband treating you like this has more to do with him than it does with you. You need to start protecting yourself and your child. How you do that is by going to find help. You need to speak to a counsellor or therapist who can help you move forward with your life. FAMSA is a wonderful group that can help you. Their website is www.famsawc.org.za

1 month, 3 weeks ago
Thee_Queen

I'm in the same situation right now, except that I'll be getting married to my spiritual parent's son this year and mina it's my last year in Varsity I kinda get frightened though since we're both servants of God, he's in full time ministry and mina I don't want that...I wanna work I guess I should use your mother's advice too Thank you very much for sharing your story **21 year old bride to be**

5 months ago
Mickey

That's very brave of you Sisipho cause asking for some advices people think it explains that you can't handle your things,wich is wrong....... people ask for advises because they want the other side or point of view💓 you did a very good job for asking yr mom😎😜

5 months, 1 week ago

Recent Replies

Anonymous

Hello Michel Asking for advice is a good thing, it makes you think about the decision you need to make. Ask the people you trust such as your parents, sister or guardian.

5 months ago
Sisanda

Your dreams come first

5 months, 1 week ago
Nae

Im mikateko.i privated wth implanton i never went to period for seven(7)months nd never had sex.on my eight (8)month i had sex and started to mestruate it is safe for me to hve unprotected sex because i implanton or i can get pregant

5 months, 1 week ago

Recent Replies

Anonymous

Hi Mika, Implanon is known to be 99% effective so the chances of you getting pregnant are very low. On the other hand, it's a good idea to use a condom because this will prevent your chances of contracting an STI. We don't know a lot about how Implanon affects your period cycle, so do make sure to visit your nearest doctor or clinic for a consultation. We hope this helps.

5 months ago
Beyonce

You should continue Persuing your dreams, so that you can be happy and have something to do.

5 months, 1 week ago
CHARLIE

Sometimes the two of you will not be able toe understand each other the way it should be...When a women told her husband she wants to let her dream become true,then he must be responsible to help led his wife and guide her how to let her dream become true...When Love is there so will there be Trust

5 months, 2 weeks ago
Malibongwe

Hy on your side

5 months, 2 weeks ago
Malibongwe

Age 16

5 months, 2 weeks ago
zala

I will support her achieving her dreams of being a teacher,because the more she work and earn income is going to help us build a better life for our children.

5 months, 2 weeks ago
TmarkG

Would have done the same well done you've fought the struggle of communication in Marriages. Bless your reunion

5 months, 3 weeks ago
Reuben

Parents sometimes they choose wrong decision to their future is better to choose own my own rather to blame someone tomorrow .

5 months, 3 weeks ago
Dog

Yh is very impressive person to do what she likes.and being married in young age doesn't mean that u don't have to follow ur dream is that people will say a lot of things ..so it is good to follow your dream and your heart to do something you want is great thing..good luck with ur dreamz

5 months, 3 weeks ago

Recent Replies

Anonymous

I have a problem lady's nee i have two kid's nee and we separeted with the father nd I moved on it's three yrs now I have a man in my life now,he want us to be together again.the problem is that he is a very abusive person.help if u can

5 months, 3 weeks ago
Reuben

Go back if you are ready to be slave .

5 months, 3 weeks ago
Anonymous

Exactly! Marriage doesn't always have to mean the end of your life or dreams. Thank you Springster!

5 months, 3 weeks ago
Anonymous

Hi Mpholili, thank you for coming out to us with your question. We think it's great that you are taking time to think before diving deep into the relationship again,especially if you already know that he is abusive. The most important thing to remember is that no one can tell you what decision to make about leaving your boyfriend. You can take advice from others, but ultimately the decision lies with you. To help you think about whether or not you want to stay with him. Make a list of the good things about your relationship and another list of the bad things. If one list outweighs the other, this is often a good starting point to try and figure out what the best decision will be for yourself. You can also ask yourself questions about whether or not you are happy in this relationship, such as if you find yourself feeling insecure and mistreated. Although it is your decision it can often really help to speak to someone you trust about decisions like these, have you thought about a parent, older sibling, aunty, or a teacher that you can get advice from? Feel free to get back to us to let us know how things work out.You can also check out this article about a Springster who asked a similar question. http://za.heyspringster.com/sections/my-body/askspringster-my-ex-wants-me-back-now-what/

5 months, 3 weeks ago
Anonymous

Hlw people i love my self and you too you must do the same thing

5 months, 3 weeks ago

Recent Replies

Anonymous

That's true gal luv yr self before u luv someone big up to that

5 months, 3 weeks ago
mphoza

That's true gal luv yr self before u luv someone big up to that

5 months, 3 weeks ago
Kago

hey Sisipho firstly I don't agree with the fact that ur parents chose a husband for you... well...I wouldn't let my parents choose a husband for me....it. is good that he considered your feelings ND thoughts

5 months, 3 weeks ago
Nkuli

It's good to be a young successful woman,a girl who has dreams,who thinks outside the box. Your children will learn a lot from you like how to balance your love life and your own career#independency

5 months, 4 weeks ago